Avoid The Festive Sandwich

Earlier I commented on a traumatic experience I had today with my lunch. Now to relay it in full.

I bought a sandwich from Tesco on Market Street in the city center. A christmas sandwich, it proclaimed. It had turkey and stuffing and cranberry and all manner of nice, christmassy fillings. My brain said YES, and said sandwich was bought.

Had I inspected the packaging closer, it was covered in musical notes and had the line "eat your sandwich while enjoying some festive music" very small underneath the description (I would have taken a photo, but I was too scared for any evidence taking).

Upon opening the box, pressure was released from a small electronic device embedded in the cardboard and it began to sing. Jingle Bells, nonetheless. This panicked me somewhat, so I closed the box to try and make it stop. Failiure. I tried putting pressure back on the device, and that didn't work either. All this time, it was regailing me with little MIDI tunes about snow and fucking reindeer.

Thanks to the IRA, the Arndale center doesn't contain any litterbins, so I put it under my jacket hoping to keep it quiet, but it carried on with sadistic technological intent. Never have I been stared at in such an bewildered fashion before today, when I mingled with the people in Dixons with a singing coat.

Asking baby jesus to make it stop, repeatedly, had no effect either. In the end I stuffed it in a bin back on Market Street with delight and relief. If you know any tramps out there, warn them about the musical trash they'll be hearing tonight or they might just go insane.